I've read this before, but thought it was worth reprinting here.....
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his English class one day.
"In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Winnie & Walter
The following story, entitled Walter and Winnie, was published sometime in the 19th century by an unknown author. It’s roughly 450 words long, and after you read it once, try reading it again three times fast.
Winnie and Walter
“Warm weather, Walter! Welcome warm weather! We were wishing winter would wane, weren’t we?” “We were well wearied with waiting,” whispered Waiter wearily. Wan, white, woe-begone was Walter; wayward, wilful, worn with weakness, wasted, waxing weaker whenever winter’s wild, withering winds were wailing. Wholly without waywardness was Winifred, Walter’s wise, womanly watcher, who, with winsome, wooing way, was well-beloved.
“We won’t wait, Walter; while weather’s warm we’ll wander where woodlands wave, won’t we?”
Walter’s wanton wretchedness wholly waned. “Why, Winnie, we’ll walk where we went when we were with Willie; we’ll weave wildflower wreaths, watch woodmen working; woodlice, worms wriggling; windmills whirling; watermills wheeling; we will win wild whortleberries, witness wheat winnowed.”
Wisbeach woods were wild with wildflowers; warm, westerly winds whispered where willows were waving; wood-pigeons, wrens, woodpeckers were warbling wild woodnotes. Where Wisbeach water-mill’s waters, which were wholly waveless, widened, were waterlilies, waxen white. Winifred wove wreaths with woodbine, whitehorn, wallflowers; whilst Walter whittled wooden wedges with willow wands.
Wholly without warning, wild wet winds woke within Wisbeach woods, whistling where Winifred wandered with Walter; weeping willows were wailing weirdly; waging war with wind-tossed waters. Winifred’s wary watchfulness waked.
“Walter, we won’t wait.”
“Which way, Winnie?”
Winifred wavered. “Why, where were we wandering? Wisbeach woods widen whichever way we walk. Where’s Wisbeach white wicket, where’s Winston’s water-mill?”
WistfuIly, Walter witnessed Winifred’s wonder. “Winnie, Winnie, we were wrong, wholly wrong; wandering within wild ways. Wayfaring weather-beaten waifs, well-nigh worn-out.”
Winifred waited where, within wattled woodwork walls, waggons, wheelbarrows, wains were waiting, weighty with withered wood. Walter, warmly wrapped with Winifred’s well-worn wadded waterproof, was wailing woefully, wholly wearied. Winnie, who, worn with watching, well-nigh weeping, was wistfully, wakefully waiting Willie’s well-known whistle, wholly wished Walter’s well-being warranted.
With well-timed wisdom, Walter was wound with wide, worsted wrappers, which wonderfully well withstood winter’s withering, whistling winds. Wholly without warm wrappers was Winifred, who, with womanly wisdom, was watching Walter’s welfare, warding Walter’s weakness.
“When will Willie wend where we wait?” wearily wondered Walter.
“Whist, Walter,” whispered Winnie, “who was whooping?”
“Whereabouts?”
Welcome whistling was waking Wisbeach woods when winter’s windy warfare waxed weaker.
“Winnie! Walter!”
Winifred’s wakefulness was well-grounded. “We’re well, Willie; we’re where Winston’s waggons wait.”
Without waiting, Willie was within Winston’s woodwork walls.
“Welcome, welcome, Willie.” Winnie was weeping with weariness with watching Walter, weak with wayfaring.
“Why Winnie! Wise, watchful, warm-hearted Winnie,” Willie whispered wheedlingly. “We won’t weep; Walter’s well. What were Walter without Winnie?”
Wholly wonderful was Winifred’s well-timed womanly wisdom, which well warranted weakly Walter’s welfare. Whenever wandering within Wisbeach woods with Winnie, Walter would whisper, “What were Walter without Winnie? Wise, watchful, warm-hearted Winnie!”
Winnie and Walter
“Warm weather, Walter! Welcome warm weather! We were wishing winter would wane, weren’t we?” “We were well wearied with waiting,” whispered Waiter wearily. Wan, white, woe-begone was Walter; wayward, wilful, worn with weakness, wasted, waxing weaker whenever winter’s wild, withering winds were wailing. Wholly without waywardness was Winifred, Walter’s wise, womanly watcher, who, with winsome, wooing way, was well-beloved.
“We won’t wait, Walter; while weather’s warm we’ll wander where woodlands wave, won’t we?”
Walter’s wanton wretchedness wholly waned. “Why, Winnie, we’ll walk where we went when we were with Willie; we’ll weave wildflower wreaths, watch woodmen working; woodlice, worms wriggling; windmills whirling; watermills wheeling; we will win wild whortleberries, witness wheat winnowed.”
Wisbeach woods were wild with wildflowers; warm, westerly winds whispered where willows were waving; wood-pigeons, wrens, woodpeckers were warbling wild woodnotes. Where Wisbeach water-mill’s waters, which were wholly waveless, widened, were waterlilies, waxen white. Winifred wove wreaths with woodbine, whitehorn, wallflowers; whilst Walter whittled wooden wedges with willow wands.
Wholly without warning, wild wet winds woke within Wisbeach woods, whistling where Winifred wandered with Walter; weeping willows were wailing weirdly; waging war with wind-tossed waters. Winifred’s wary watchfulness waked.
“Walter, we won’t wait.”
“Which way, Winnie?”
Winifred wavered. “Why, where were we wandering? Wisbeach woods widen whichever way we walk. Where’s Wisbeach white wicket, where’s Winston’s water-mill?”
WistfuIly, Walter witnessed Winifred’s wonder. “Winnie, Winnie, we were wrong, wholly wrong; wandering within wild ways. Wayfaring weather-beaten waifs, well-nigh worn-out.”
Winifred waited where, within wattled woodwork walls, waggons, wheelbarrows, wains were waiting, weighty with withered wood. Walter, warmly wrapped with Winifred’s well-worn wadded waterproof, was wailing woefully, wholly wearied. Winnie, who, worn with watching, well-nigh weeping, was wistfully, wakefully waiting Willie’s well-known whistle, wholly wished Walter’s well-being warranted.
With well-timed wisdom, Walter was wound with wide, worsted wrappers, which wonderfully well withstood winter’s withering, whistling winds. Wholly without warm wrappers was Winifred, who, with womanly wisdom, was watching Walter’s welfare, warding Walter’s weakness.
“When will Willie wend where we wait?” wearily wondered Walter.
“Whist, Walter,” whispered Winnie, “who was whooping?”
“Whereabouts?”
Welcome whistling was waking Wisbeach woods when winter’s windy warfare waxed weaker.
“Winnie! Walter!”
Winifred’s wakefulness was well-grounded. “We’re well, Willie; we’re where Winston’s waggons wait.”
Without waiting, Willie was within Winston’s woodwork walls.
“Welcome, welcome, Willie.” Winnie was weeping with weariness with watching Walter, weak with wayfaring.
“Why Winnie! Wise, watchful, warm-hearted Winnie,” Willie whispered wheedlingly. “We won’t weep; Walter’s well. What were Walter without Winnie?”
Wholly wonderful was Winifred’s well-timed womanly wisdom, which well warranted weakly Walter’s welfare. Whenever wandering within Wisbeach woods with Winnie, Walter would whisper, “What were Walter without Winnie? Wise, watchful, warm-hearted Winnie!”
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Ancient Chinese Etiquette
Getting drunk at a dinner party and embarrassing yourself is certainly nothing new. As far back as the 9th Century, the 'Dunhuang Bureau of Etiquette' insisted that local officials use the following letter template (dated 856) when sending apologies to offended dinner hosts. The guilty party would copy the template text, enter the dinner host's name, sign the letter and then deliver with head bowed. The letter was discovered, alongside thousands of other documents, in a sealed cave library in western China.
For more information on the Chinese archaeology project check The International Dunhuang Project.
Translation:
Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realised what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.
For more information on the Chinese archaeology project check The International Dunhuang Project.
Translation:
Yesterday, having drunk too much, I was intoxicated as to pass all bounds; but none of the rude and coarse language I used was uttered in a conscious state. The next morning, after hearing others speak on the subject, I realised what had happened, whereupon I was overwhelmed with confusion and ready to sink into the earth with shame.
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Surfing around the Web: James Rizzi Pop Artist
This second picture is of Rizzi next to a VW bug covered with his artwork.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Logical Oxymorons....
An oxymoron is a figure of speech by which has an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in cruel kindness or to make haste slowly. Sometimes I even use them in descriptions of my surroundings: controlled chaos, and organized mess. I have found computer terms often fall into this class, too (ie: the old joke Microsoft Works) Here is a fun list of some interesting “logical” oxymorons:
• act naturally
• advanced BASIC
• almost exactly
• alone together
• authentically reproduced
• canned fresh
• center around
• clearly misunderstood
• click the Start button to shut down
• computer jock
• constant change
• constant variable
• crash landing
• deafening silence
• decreased growth
• definite maybe
• diet ice cream
• disposable products with a lifetime guarantee
• even odds
• exact estimate
• extinct life
• first annual
• first string secondary
• former native
• forward back
• found missing/turned up missing
• free trade
• freezer burn
• genuine imitation/genuine simulated
• go ahead, back up
• good grief
• government organization
• Great Depression
• Hell’s Angels
• holy war
• hot chili
• jumbo shrimp
• larger half
• last initial
• legally drunk
• liquid natural gas
• little giant
• living dead
• long shorts
• near miss
• new classic
• now, then...
• old news
• one of the only...
• original copies
• passive aggressive
• peace force
• peacekeeper missile
• plastic glasses
• political science
• pretty ugly
• rehearsed improvisation
• resident alien
• rolling stop
• same difference
• sanitary landfill
• second initial
• seriously funny
• silent alarm
• sleep vigorously
• small crowd
• soft rock
• solo ensemble
• specialize in everything
• student teacher
• sweet sorrow
• sweet tart
• synthetic natural gas
• taped live
• temporary tax increase
• terribly pleased
• tight slacks
• to infinity and beyond
• tragic comedy
• twelve-ounce pound cake
• unbiased opinion
• virtual reality
• whole half
• working vacation
• act naturally
• advanced BASIC
• almost exactly
• alone together
• authentically reproduced
• canned fresh
• center around
• clearly misunderstood
• click the Start button to shut down
• computer jock
• constant change
• constant variable
• crash landing
• deafening silence
• decreased growth
• definite maybe
• diet ice cream
• disposable products with a lifetime guarantee
• even odds
• exact estimate
• extinct life
• first annual
• first string secondary
• former native
• forward back
• found missing/turned up missing
• free trade
• freezer burn
• genuine imitation/genuine simulated
• go ahead, back up
• good grief
• government organization
• Great Depression
• Hell’s Angels
• holy war
• hot chili
• jumbo shrimp
• larger half
• last initial
• legally drunk
• liquid natural gas
• little giant
• living dead
• long shorts
• near miss
• new classic
• now, then...
• old news
• one of the only...
• original copies
• passive aggressive
• peace force
• peacekeeper missile
• plastic glasses
• political science
• pretty ugly
• rehearsed improvisation
• resident alien
• rolling stop
• same difference
• sanitary landfill
• second initial
• seriously funny
• silent alarm
• sleep vigorously
• small crowd
• soft rock
• solo ensemble
• specialize in everything
• student teacher
• sweet sorrow
• sweet tart
• synthetic natural gas
• taped live
• temporary tax increase
• terribly pleased
• tight slacks
• to infinity and beyond
• tragic comedy
• twelve-ounce pound cake
• unbiased opinion
• virtual reality
• whole half
• working vacation
Friday, October 16, 2009
The Full Jar
When things in your life seem almost to much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar......and the beer.
A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.
The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."
The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the
things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There
will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of the students raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what the beer represented.
The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then
asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
So the Professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full. They agreed it was.
The Professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "Yes."
The Professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the Professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first", he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the
things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There
will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities.
The rest is just sand."
When he had finished, there was a profound silence. Then one of the students raised her hand and with a puzzled expression, inquired what the beer represented.
The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Going to Bed
Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed.” She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches, rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes into the dryer, put a load of clothes into the wash, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the newspapers strewn on the floor, picked up the game pieces left on the table and put the telephone book back into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom.
She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and added cereal to her grocery store list. She put both near her purse. Mom then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails.
Hubby called, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said. She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one still up doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow.
About that time, the hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular “I’m going to bed,” and he did.
She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a textbook out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and added cereal to her grocery store list. She put both near her purse. Mom then creamed her face, put on moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and trimmed her nails.
Hubby called, “I thought you were going to bed.” “I’m on my way,” she said. She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out a bedside lamp, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks in the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one still up doing homework. In her own room, she set the alarm, laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her list of things to do for tomorrow.
About that time, the hubby turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular “I’m going to bed,” and he did.
My Danish is Showing....
Denmark eats more candy per person than any other country, at 35.2 pounds per year, followed by Sweden, Ireland, Germany and Switzerland. On average, Americans consume approximately 25.2 pounds per year.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
First Post!
Finally! I've been wanting to get this set up for a long time, but my inclination towards perfectionism has slowed down any real progress. I had to use my gmail address to set up on Blogger, but you can still reach me at my usual email: rae_osenbaugh@hotmail.com My blog for Granny Green will soon be on Blogger, too. That URL is http://granny-green.blogspot.com/
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